Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
