What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
