there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
