38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
