I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
