U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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