He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
