I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
