you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
