She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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