Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
