He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
