I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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