i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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