From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
