I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
