Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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