how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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