Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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