I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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