it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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