i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
