she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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