I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
