Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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