She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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