maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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