I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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