I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
