Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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