Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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