so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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