i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
