Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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