Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
