I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
