i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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