I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
