We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
