I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
