Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
