im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
