Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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