definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
