Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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