I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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