you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
