Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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