I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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