I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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