2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
