never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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