Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she told me i tasted like america
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
