where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
no you cant smoke seaweed
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
