We're facebook friends in real life
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How external is "for external use only"?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
