like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
