I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
